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Greetings to fellow members of the Seattle postfurry community! If you're like $EXAMPLE_TERRAN, you enjoy having a clean house! But paradoxically, you also probably enjoy not having to clean your house! Which is where I, your illustrious and beautiful and $COMPLIMENTARY_ADJECTIVE unicorn, come in!
You see, I enjoy cleaning houses. I love the smell of pine-sol and fresh linen. I love the sensation of sweeping a mop back and forth across a dirty floor and seeing it sparkle in my beauteous, magnificent wake. I love to take up the featherduster as a bannerman might take up his axe for his lord, dispatching waves of dust in clean, efficient, lethal strokes. I enjoy it so much I'd probably do it for free. But I also enjoy having money! We are in a unique position, my friends, because together we can solve many of our mutual problems. I will clean your house, thus satisfying your desire for a clean house you didn't have to do any work for, in exchange for money, satisfying my desire to be less poor!
And it doesn't have to be just your house! I can also clean... the OUTSIDE of your house! Now, I know what you're thinking, fellow strange animal people. "You cannot clean the outside of a house. Outside of a house is where dirt lives, and dirt is inherently not a clean thing!" But that is where you are wrong, my friends, because through my patented combination of unicorn magic and rugged physical labor, I can even make your dirt clean! I will clear brush, tend gardens, mow lawns! I will even practice that most forbidden of arts, the dread 'sweeping of the driveway,' an ancient technique know only to the darkest of custodiomancers.
And what am I asking for such astounding feats of magical, life-cleansing might? A flat fee of 70 dollars per session, per floor! Having checked around extensively, that's 50 bucks less than what you could expect to pay from a 'professional' maid service. Maid service which, I might add, probably isn't as familiar with the vagaries of our mutual lifestyles and might get kind of weirded out by all our awesome stuff.
If you're in our weirdo Seattle postfurry community and would like to hire me to solve YOUR problem of $RESIDENCE_CLEAN_NEGATORY, simply leave a comment here or on twitter! My rate is open to negotiation, and my schedule is wide-open!
You see, I enjoy cleaning houses. I love the smell of pine-sol and fresh linen. I love the sensation of sweeping a mop back and forth across a dirty floor and seeing it sparkle in my beauteous, magnificent wake. I love to take up the featherduster as a bannerman might take up his axe for his lord, dispatching waves of dust in clean, efficient, lethal strokes. I enjoy it so much I'd probably do it for free. But I also enjoy having money! We are in a unique position, my friends, because together we can solve many of our mutual problems. I will clean your house, thus satisfying your desire for a clean house you didn't have to do any work for, in exchange for money, satisfying my desire to be less poor!
And it doesn't have to be just your house! I can also clean... the OUTSIDE of your house! Now, I know what you're thinking, fellow strange animal people. "You cannot clean the outside of a house. Outside of a house is where dirt lives, and dirt is inherently not a clean thing!" But that is where you are wrong, my friends, because through my patented combination of unicorn magic and rugged physical labor, I can even make your dirt clean! I will clear brush, tend gardens, mow lawns! I will even practice that most forbidden of arts, the dread 'sweeping of the driveway,' an ancient technique know only to the darkest of custodiomancers.
And what am I asking for such astounding feats of magical, life-cleansing might? A flat fee of 70 dollars per session, per floor! Having checked around extensively, that's 50 bucks less than what you could expect to pay from a 'professional' maid service. Maid service which, I might add, probably isn't as familiar with the vagaries of our mutual lifestyles and might get kind of weirded out by all our awesome stuff.
If you're in our weirdo Seattle postfurry community and would like to hire me to solve YOUR problem of $RESIDENCE_CLEAN_NEGATORY, simply leave a comment here or on twitter! My rate is open to negotiation, and my schedule is wide-open!
